I have often found myself in the past few months doubting my faith and wondering if I really heard right.  God says fear is not from Him, so I do stand on the promises I know to be true.  Somehow as I stand back and look at the task given me, fear seems to slip in softly at first.. And then suddenly with a beastly grip leaving me grasping for air..

I have taken that first Bold leap, but somehow find myself lingering on the edge knowing I need to  step in and take that which belongs to God only, but then I suddenly see me through my eyes, filled with sin. The stench of me makes it hard to swallow and then again I shout out Lord how can I ever be good enough…and the answer is always the same… “You never will be, but I The Great I AM, I am good enough”.  Ever wondered how we can fight against that? I feel like Paul who says “his will is strong but his flesh is weak”.

Sorry for my blabber, I realise venting here too you is not exactly what you asked for and I do apologise, I find somehow a certain comfort in penning down my thoughts, confessing to someone who serves the God I love, The God who took me from rags too riches, from nothing to something, but who still everyday reminds me that He is all that I am.. I can’t tell anyone here that I fear my calling, that I fear my ability.. It will be like telling the landlord I can’t pay the rent.. I thank Jesus that He as my landlord, comforter, healer, Great provider knows my heart always…..